the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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