Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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