we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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