I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
