matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
