Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize