and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
