Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
