so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
