New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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