4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
