the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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