We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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