I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i came on her dog
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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