my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
