You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She told me I should be a condom model.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
