dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
