ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize