Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
