Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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