my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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