last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
