she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
