After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
