i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
