Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize
