Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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