I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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