no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
time to smoke my breakfast
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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