The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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