Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
