The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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