I just saw a hot homeless man
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you had me at cake vodka
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
