Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
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