I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
