Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
