good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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