Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
