i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
