Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
