Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
