she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize