I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
