My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
