somebody snuck up and got me drunk
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
