Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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