I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize