return my video game
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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