Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
