Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
