You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
