A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
