I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
