U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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