i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize