He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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