My room smells like vodka and shame
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
