you would pick up someone in the library
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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