I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
