i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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