I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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