'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How does one acquire holy water?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
