Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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