we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
