she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i think i have two assholes
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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