i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
