Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
this boner is exhausting
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize