I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
