Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
