Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
