I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
