I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
