So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
