I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
