Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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