Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
