Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
