i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
