someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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