he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
