i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
