i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
