you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I've blown a few things in my day
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
