so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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