a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
