We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we're so committed to being not committed
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
