Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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