i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize