Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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