Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
