my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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