I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
