Duck Duck Cougar?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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