i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
