it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
