There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
