Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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