We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
