Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
