I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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