we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
