So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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