The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
