i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
