That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
