I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
