dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
