I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
