i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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