mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
