did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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