he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
