She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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