Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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